Boston's Pizza (199 W Nationwide Blvd, Columbus, OH)

Hype: It was Jim's berfday so we decided to go catch a Clippers game and see the new park. It's perfect--the park, that is. While we were down there we wanted to try out this new pizza place. We had low expectations because it is near the hockey arena and the Short North. Both of these places make me ill.
Scene: A Clippers game, a Christian Convention, and a Jane's Addiction concert were all going on that night so it was like a circus. Luckily we had reservations or we would have been waiting around with all of the other guys in flip-flops, hair gel, and tribal tattoos. Boston's is a combination of 1st Watch, Macaroni Grill, and TGI Fridays. Turnover is very important--along with not offending anyone. Somebody said that this was the first time they had ever felt sorry for somebody that works at a pizza shop. It probably sucks. If you eat here, be prepared to be surrounded by soccer-moms, office-assholes, and their vapid bitches.

The Pie
Crust- Oily. Salty. A lot like pizza hut in the 80's only now I know better. It gave me a belly ache later.
Sauce- I don't remember it at all.
Cheese- This wasn't that bad, but certainly wasn't good in any way either.
Peps- Smokey I think. Highlight of the pie.


Overall: This place sucks the shit out of my asshole. It was not overpriced, but it lacked in every category that makes pizza enjoyable. I felt like I was attempting to get a good meal at an amusement park--which is what I was doing, in a way. The Columbus Clippers deserve better. 2--5 pies.

Rubino's Pizza (2643 E. Main St, Columbus-Bexley)

Hype: Some guy e-mailed us about this and he made it sound good. He talked up the tradition, peps and SAUCE. I like sauce that has tradition, after all: I am a Hinze. Let's hope he wasn't full of shit...

Scene: This place has tradition. It has a really old school sign out front (see below). Pinball machine, old signs and old people make this family-run place ooze sauce--in a good way. I think the guy that founded it over fifty years ago was old, mustached, and Italian.
The Pie
Crust- Thin. When I say thin I mean the thinnest I've ever seen in my many pizzas. Somehow it did not bend. This crust may look weak, but it is deceptively firm, crisp and perfect. You just don't get it do you?
Sauce- THE BEST SAUCE I'VE EVER TASTED IN MY LIFE, well at least that I can think of now. A little spicy, hints of oregano and not shy. Perfect.
Cheese- They are smart not to over apply. It tastes good.
Peps- Spicy and flavorful. Just a little cupping on a few, but others remained flat. Moderately thick and nickel/quarter sized. Well applied.

Overall: This is one of the Heavyweights of Columbus pizza. Each slice was somewhat unique, but always satisfying. Order a large for yourself and you will have no problem getting it done. I wish I had known about this place ten years ago! A very strong 5 out of 5!!!!

**Dave's only gripe was that he didn't get enough red Mike 'n' Ikes from the vending machine (see below).

Pharaoh's Pizza (Indianola Ave and Arcadia, Columbus, OH)

Hype: Some of us have been there before. None of us remembered. Duffy put us up to giving it a real taste test so here we go...

Scene: Decorated with authentic relics of ancient Egypt, this shop is not as fucked up as its previous occupier. The space is roomy and clean. I don't remember any tables being in there. All I really remember are pizza ovens and artifacts from the land of the Pharaohs.

The Pie
Crust- What the fuck? Slice-it-yourself pizza? I had no idea that this was the custom in Egypt. Check out the above photo of Jim using his own slicer to carve up the flimsy crust. Bullshit! I guess this beats the cook-it-yourself 'pizza' at the bottom of the hill. Really weak stuff here. I did detect a very faint tone of garlic salt. The same kind I use at home. It was really tough to taste though.
Sauce- Weak. Not much of it. I didn't really taste it.
Cheese- I think we are dealing with Domino's "cheese food" on top of this pie. Ass.
Peps- Weak, flimsy, flavorless.

Overall: The pie was not necessarily bad. It just was in no way good. Not at all unbearable and might do well at a party. Really cheap. I guess there is a reason no one ever remembers eating this pizza. 2---5.

Rotolo's Pizza, [1749 W. 5th Ave, Columbus OH]

Hype: All kinds of people talk this pizza up like its the fucking president or something. Anyway, we had to pick Jesse up from work because he got hit by an immigrant and his car was totaled so we were out on that end of town already. Dave asked if the pizza was ordered once every 2-3 minutes. WE WERE HUNGRY.

Scene: Mostly just a carry-out place. This is for on-the-go south Arlington, Grandview people that probably work a lot. Not much to say, soda cooler on one wall and a few chairs. Photos of the tradition on the wall: that's respectable.
The Pie
Crust- This crust is well-done, but not overcooked. Party-sized strips stay firm when held at the edges. Good crispness, but not saltined like Tommy's on Lane Ave. Very nice
Sauce- Here is the problem; it was not evenly distributed on the pie. It is traditional Columbus sauce: sweet with good doses of oregano, only on one side. Bummer.
Cheese- Very flavorful and tons of it. This was the highlight of the pizza. I don't remember this from previous outings to Rotolos. CHEESE LOVERS PIE!
Peps- Quarter-sized, thick-cut, a little cupping. Even the ones that were covered in tons of cheese had a good flavor. Plenty of 'em too.

Overall: This pie was a pleasant surprise and WE WERE SUPER HUNGRY. Dare I say this was a 5 out of 5 pie shop? Well it was yesterday. YES!

***Their theme song rules too!! Hear it here!