Montoni's Pizza (5244 Godown Road, Columbus--Bethel Center)

Hype: Dave drives past this place all the time so we knew of its existence. That's it. Honestly, two other places were closed so we settled on this place.

Scene: Very nice. It is attached to a bar. It was kinda run down. A nice lady was cooking pies and taking orders--a one woman show. She turned the TV to us and put on ESPN.

The Pie:
Crust- Great. Thin, well-cooked. Held up well, except for the greasy middle. That was a peperoni issue though. Alone, this crust was solid.
Sauce- Straight outta the can and not that good.
Cheese- Liberally applied and good.
Peps- Too greasy. Not that good.
Overall-- Not a bad pie if you are hard up or in a bar in Bethel Center that happens to be attached to a pizza shop. Non-pep pizzas are recommended. (3--5)

Jimmy's Pizza (1484 Oakland Park Avenue, 263-2678‎)

Hype: Dave's been hearing all kinds of stuff about this place for a while so we decided to try it out. We also wanted to open Season II with a real winner. Expectations were very high and we were not let down.
Scene: We walked up to the place in a strip mall to see some dude working on a motorcycle in front of the laundry-mat next door. Only one Lady was running the show. Right when we walked in she layed down a proposition:
Lady: "Are you the guys that ordered the two large pepperonis?"
Us: "Ugh, yeah."
Lady: "Hey I've got this dumb-ass delivery guy that won't be back for like an hour and I need these pizzas delivered down to my girl on Duncan fast. If you guy's will take 'em down there I'll give you yours for free. Deal?"
Us: "OK"
...five minutes later... Delivery guy walks in. He's way to old to be delivering pizzas, and I don't mean 25. More like 70. Velcro shoes. Shitty van. Old. Our pizza delivery days were already over.
...Instead the lady offers us half price for the pizzas, $10, AND gives us two stray pizzas to squelch our appetites until ours are done. Yes, that's four (4) pizzas for the price of one. This place rules: certainly the strangest 45 minutes I've ever spent picking up a pizza. Too much to tell here, ask Fern.

The Pie:
Crust- perfect. Thin, but not saltine. Typical of North--NW Columbus pies. Uniformly browned to a crispy-flaky bottom and a more moist top, next to the awesome sauce.
Sauce- made by famous Carfagna's gourmet shop. Spicy, sweet, perfectly applied, and not overly done. It does not distract from the rest of the pie. I like it.
Cheese- Fairly typical pizza cheese. This was not overwhelming like the bottom two ingredients. Not to say it's bad or anything though. Moderate application.
Peps- Medium thick cut, salty, not too greasy, cupped. The edges were browned and bottoms still a little chewy.
Overall: As strange as the pickup was the pie was nearly perfect. All of the ingredients worked well together to make a fancy pie, without any pretense. Grade A slices for the masses. 5/5 pies!!!!
***Party Boyz: They have a nice selection of domestic brews at state minimum prices. 24oz. Big Cans for 1/99. Deal

Dante's Pizza Revisited (Indianola Ave and Torrance)

Hype: It's been a while and I remember liking it. There are a lot of different opinions on Dantes. The most convincing I heard is that it really depends on who's working. Oh, like Hounddogs.

Scene: Still nice. It was dark in there and it was packed with families. They have those tables for two that you can keep stacking together until all twelve people on your youth soccer team are together. Don't you remember?

The Pie:
Crust: No joke this was super good. It was thin and crisp. Partysliced, but even if it were in big slices it would have been man enough to stand up to all of that...
Sauce: sweet n tangy the way I like it. mmm. Lots of Italian Seasoning. They weren't shy about its application either.
Cheese: low point of the pie. I just don't like it. Too much, too gooey. Not enough action in its flavor either. I suspect.
Peps: Nice. Thin and not too oily. Lots of salty spicy deliciousness.

Overall: We stand by our first instinct on this one. Take the whole family, or basketball team and enjoy the family values at Dante's. 4----5.

Hudson Street Pizza (Hudson St, Just East of I-71)

Hype: I was driving by the other day and saw it--looked kinda promising, but one must use caution when eating pizza next to inter sate highways. In my experience, the less convenient, the better. Though I'm sure there are countless exceptions to this rule.

Scene: There was a huge "Impressionism" poster about impressionism. People of different ethnic back rounds were all working there, together--I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying that this not typical of family-run pizza shops, where usually everyone is related or look like they could be cousins. At this shop there was a white lady, a black lady, and a Mediterranean guy all working there. Hey, maybe they are all cousins--after all, it is the '90s.
The Pie
Crust- Home made. I mean, home made. It tasted like my Aunt Ellen made it. Actually this was somewhat charming and may be the highlight of the pie.
Sauce- Very bland. Very canned. Not memorable at all.
Cheese- heavily applied and not bad. Not great at all.
Peps- Weak, thin, flat, tasteless and shameful.

Overall- Slice one--mediocre in every way. Slice two- not that good. Slice three- lame. Slice four- pizza regret. I would not recommend getting this pie with Clintonville Primo right up the street. Maybe if we were partying harder it would have changed things. 2--5.

Pharaoh's Pizza (Indianola Ave and Arcadia, Columbus, OH)

Hype: Some of us have been there before. None of us remembered. Duffy put us up to giving it a real taste test so here we go...

Scene: Decorated with authentic relics of ancient Egypt, this shop is not as fucked up as its previous occupier. The space is roomy and clean. I don't remember any tables being in there. All I really remember are pizza ovens and artifacts from the land of the Pharaohs.

The Pie
Crust- What the fuck? Slice-it-yourself pizza? I had no idea that this was the custom in Egypt. Check out the above photo of Jim using his own slicer to carve up the flimsy crust. Bullshit! I guess this beats the cook-it-yourself 'pizza' at the bottom of the hill. Really weak stuff here. I did detect a very faint tone of garlic salt. The same kind I use at home. It was really tough to taste though.
Sauce- Weak. Not much of it. I didn't really taste it.
Cheese- I think we are dealing with Domino's "cheese food" on top of this pie. Ass.
Peps- Weak, flimsy, flavorless.

Overall: The pie was not necessarily bad. It just was in no way good. Not at all unbearable and might do well at a party. Really cheap. I guess there is a reason no one ever remembers eating this pizza. 2---5.

Dewey's Pizza (W. 5th Ave, Grandview 614-487-8282)

Hype: People have been telling us all about this place.  We've heard it was awesome, bad, expensive--all kinds of stuff.  We just had to slay this pie!!!!!!!!

Scene: It looked kinda like a fancy yuppified

 microbrew-serving bar/restaurant, but it wasn't too bad because you could see the guy hand tossing the crusts.  Lots of young girls working there, which could be a blessing or a curse.  The menu was filled with really fancy "gourmet" pizza combinations that I can't even remember but we aren't gay so we just got a 17" pepperoni.

PIZZA TIME!

Crust- New York Style Pizza!  Foldable, hand tossed, chewy, but slightly underdone.  A little crispness on the outside with a chewy crust would have made this crust perfect, rather than near-perfect.

Sauce- This was the highlight of the pie.  Sweet, strong oregano, small bits of tomato and all good.

Cheese- Nicely added, good flavor and highlighted the sauce well.

Peps- Low point of the pie.  Not bad at all though.  Thin and not very flavorful.  Maybe they spend too much time worrying about the prosciutto and artichokes.    

Overall: Great addition to the Columbus pizza scene.  This is a welcome alternative to Ohio-style shops that are all over the northwest end of town.  You should stop by!  As for price, not too bad.  The only reason it was too expensive when your parents took you there is the expensive pizza you ordered.  Our pep was normally priced.  STRONG 4 out of 5 pies!!!!!

***Party boyz: They serve beer.

Dewey's Website

Ange's Pizza (Karl road and 161, Columbus, OH 614-888-5767)

Hype: Dave drove past this place and said it smelled good the other day.  Sean Wright said he heard it was "good honest pizza."  That's about enough.  Oh, yeah, I think Wumme Wenders lives nearby.

Scene: Classic Columbus pizza restaurant feeling inside.  The Simpson's Arcade game in the back.  Lattice wall separating the carryout side from the dining room.  A family watching the Snoop-dog bio on E!  They left so we could watch basketball.  

The Pie

Crust- Saltine-style.  It got a little too soft f

rom the pep-oil, but very tolerable.  It was nicely browned on the edges.

Sauce- Typical of Columbus pies.  Sweet.  Hints of italian seasoning and a few, scarce bits of tomato skin.  Appropriate amount added.

Cheese- hearty amount.  A little tang and nicely browned in some areas.

Peps- lots of them.  Good cupping.  I don't always like cupping but with this pizza it worked.  Kinda thick cut and 

Overall: "Good, honest pizza" seems to be an excellent description of this pie.  A strong 4--5 on a bright spring day!  Check it out!!!!!  http://www.angespizza.com

Grimaldi's Pizza (Under the Bridge, Brooklyn, NY)

Hype: This pizza had better be good. Arguably the most hyped shop in the world, or at least America this place had a line 15 parties deep in 10 degree weather. Many claim it to be one of the world's finest pies.

Scene: As noted, a line was cued on the sidewalk. No worries, it moved fast: we were seated, all eight of us, in 20 minutes. Once inside we found Frank Sinatra portraits decorating a hot, aromatic, and crowded room made solely to feed as many people as possible, as quickly as possible. The only major problem was the music--Ratatat and shitty Eurodance: what the fuck?

The Pie
Crust- Good crispness on the outer edges. I like the sound this makes. We have discovered that this is the one thing NYC pie does consistently well. The inner-most six inches of the crust was a little flappy. This did cause some distress for Dave. I just thought, "when in Rome..." and folded mine like the many locals. I'M FINALLY FITTING IN HERE IN THE BIG EASY!
Sauce- This is the best sweet sauce we have ever tasted. It is really hard to keep bitterness out of sauce made with fresh tomatoes. Somehow, these dudes pulled it off perfectly. Maybe the finest sauce in the world. No shit.
Cheese- Maybe its just our Newark roots, but I can't get that in to this fresh mozzarella cheese thing. I like traditional, evenly spread cheese a little better. I respect it, you might love it. Our tourguides loved it. It was smooth and nice though.
Peps- Home run! They even cut them just a bit thick to let you know.
Overall: This is one nice pie. Our panel ranged from a three that slid up to a four, and a five the whole time. No one didn't like this pizza. We settled on a very strong 4--5 pie rating. Very good stuff here.

Pizzano's Pizza and Stromboli (5875 Sawmill Rd, Dublin, OH - (614) 766-0000)

Hype: We weren't really planning on eating here or anything. We were up in Dublin, OH picking up something that you can only get there. We were going to get some pie in Grandview, but that will have to wait for another day. So we just saw it from the road. It was a stark contrast to the endless suburban shit.

Scene: Looks like they do a lot of carry-out and lunch. I bet the Stromboli and Gyros are popular with the Dublin officeguy set. Best party: Ms. Pac-man tabletop machine. Check it out...

The Pie:

Crust- Neither of us were impressed. Thin, not toasty. Bland. Perhaps purchased frozen from a supplier.

Sauce- Not so great. Bland.

Cheese- GREAT! Lots of it. The real deal. A little browned too.

Peps- Pretty good. Nothing to shit your pants over, but they were toasty, peppy and nice.

Overall: Not an impressive pie, but the cheese, peps, and Ms. Pac-man machine saved the day.

All in all we would rate this place as a 3--5 pie joint!!!!

John's Pizza (2104 N Western Ave, Chicago, IL 60647)

Hype: We at Pizza Slayer know nothing of 'Chicago Deep Dish.' Would it be fair for us to judge? So we didn't. Our friend told us of Chicago's best thin, John's.

Scene: In a semi-trendy neighborhood (we could tell by the number of girls on bikes, white-T's, Jorts, etc.) this shop is family owned all the way. I think three generations were working while we were there. Remember the Chicago Bear's Super Bowl Shuffle? It was playing on the box!!!



Pie:
Crust- Nice! Crisp edges, somewhat soft underbelly. Thin.
Sauce-Impressive, but sweet and pretty good with noticeable amount of oregano.
Cheese- Too much. It had a pretty good flavor, but too much.
Pep- Consistently soft. Salty and under the cheese!!! I could hardly taste it.


Overall: A pretty good pie. I would come here if it were in Columbus AND...They didn't misplace the peps. The only reason this should be done is if you are making Pizza Casarole. Just because you are in Chicago doesn't mean you have to fuck up your pizza.
3-5 pies. 1 pie deduction for fucking up the pep-placement.

Hungry Howies (2995 N High St, Columbus, OH - (614) 784-9999‎)

Hype: We were in a serious rush and super hungry. It is cheap. I swear we were not out to score any serious pie. Trust me. It's only a block away.

Environment: Sucks. It's a chain. Questionable from top to bottom. Unpleasent.

THE PIE:

Crust: We got the thin crust because it is edible. It makes saltine crackers look thick. Way to thin!!!!!!!! Little flavor.

Sauce: Somewhat sweet with hints of herbs and spices. Truly, not too bad!! A good amount.

Cheese: Overdone. Good flavor, but maybe a little too much and certainly burnt.

Pep: Flavorless crap. Flat.

Overall: It is pretty cheap, but here is the deal. Each of us slayed an entire pizza our selves. At $7 a pie, why invest, man? A large pep from Gatto's (across the street) is $13 and feeds two. Gatto's out of this pie's league. THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

We give this pizza 2 out of 5 pies. After all, it's still pizza!!!!